This is definitely something I remind myself of on a regular daily basis. As a perfectionist in life, you don’t necessarily keep a neat room or file every receipt you’ve ever had.
A Life Perfectionist believes everything has to be perfect all the time. Relationships, friendships, health, finances and pretty much everything. If you’re anything like I was ( and sometimes still am), freaking out or stressing is almost always part of your day.
When you do wake up from the dream which is perfectionism, and you start looking around you, there is a certain realization. Perfection does not equal happiness, if anything, the opposite is true. Why do I say this?
The noun, perfection in the Oxford Dictionary is defined as “the action or process of improving something until it is faultless.”
The word faultless says… Impossible. So why do we always try to be near faultless. Since when is it “not cool” to be a little messy. Who on earth wrote the how to live flawless lives manual and distributed it before I was born. It seems like people are living in an endless cycle of trying to be perfect all the time.
Frankly it gets exhausting. After the 5th relationship, ending the exact same, why don’t we stop… breathe….. recalculate and just be by ourselves. I know that might be an extremely daunting idea for some people, but I’ve been the absolute most content, when instead of focusing on someone else all the time, and how to make them happy. I started focusing on how to make myself happy.
Some of you, might be wondering what this concept of being happy in your own company entails. It does not mean you are going to be a hermit and own pets to keep you company. Although, if this makes you happy, no problemo. It means, really dealing with all this emotional stuff you have been ignoring in the past 5 relationships. What is the common occurring event, is it really them or might the problem be that you have baggage from previous relationships.
This concept not only applies to relationships, but it also can be used in bad friendships, experiences with people at work, or even your relationship with yourself. You need to:
1. Identify why and where the common occurrence is happening, which situations trigger this response, or behaviour that continues? Do I struggle to trust because somewhere someone broke our trust, and we can’t seem to let go.
2. Once you’ve identified the cause, ask yourself, “What will help me to deal with this more effectively in the future?”, do you maybe need to talk to a professional ( which, debunking myth, does not mean you are crazy, it means you are grown-up enough to admit you want to be better) Nothing wrong with that.
3. Once you’ve done this, you can start by seeing what is holding you back. Do you have to forgive someone first, do you have a grudge you can’t seem to shake or are you refusing to look the problem straight in the eyeballs. This requires some introspection most people past 50 still struggle to do. Tip: don’t be too hard on yourself.
4. Give yourself time, space, love and please treat yourself while you do this. Time heals all wounds is a definite thing here. Take your dear time, and don’t push.
5. No, jumping into the next relationship when you haven’t dealt with your crap from the past won’t bring you anywhere. You’ll end up right back in the cycle of dispair (No sugarcoating today)
At least you’re trying, and never let anyone tell you trying is not good enough!!! Cause you are great, and you have capabilities way beyond what you can dream.
It’s a pleasure
Xoxo Dan the Wooman